Minister of Grace

Feb. 25, 2012 at 6:47pm with 435 notes

Reblogged from motherfuckinglucifer

How to have awesome gay buttsex according to Wincest fanfic

deanplease:

1) Be a guy.

2) Find your brother.

3) Get all angsty about whether or not you should have anal sex, because you’re brothers. This will make the ensuing buttsex more awesome.

4) Get drunk, sex-pollened, cursed, or turned on by a shapeshifter that looks just like your brother.

5) Look at your brother. Now look at the floor. Now back to your brother.

6) Brush past him really, really closely. When he touches you, let your breath “hitch.” This will turn him on beyond measure.

7) When he kisses you then pulls away, full of Brother Remorse, grab his flannel shirt and say breathily, “[Brother’s name], please.”

8) Tear off each other’s clothing and marvel at the astonishing physical beauty and general cleanliness of your brother’s naked body.

9) Negotiate non-verbally who will pitch and who will catch.

10) If you’re going to be pitching, do the following:

a) Lick your brother open until he begs you to fuck him. He will taste like whiskey and apple pie, or perhaps have a faint but delicious “muskiness” even if he hasn’t showered for days.

b) Find lubrication: either the bottle of lube you each conveniently carry in the back pocket of your jeans, or just spit on your fingers. That’ll work just as well.

c) Insert one finger into his ass. Don’t worry that you should have trimmed your fingernails. It won’t hurt. And if it does, he’ll get off on it.

d) Within thirty seconds, insert a second finger. He’ll be fine. Now scissor your fingers. Scissoring is important. You can often go straight to insertion of your monster cock after just a few minutes of scissoring. To be safe, insert a third finger. He’ll take it like a pro.

e) Crook your fingers. You will hit a Magic Button that will make your brother arch off the bed, scream your name, beg for more, and/or come instantly. It’s awesome.

f) Lube/spit on your hands, “slick” your cock and enter your brother. This will happen effortlessly and without discomfort. You will not encounter any poo up there no matter how surprise-attack your awesome gay buttsex is, because you and your brother each have a magical ass that’s always sparkling clean and gas-free, no matter how much greasy diner food or convenience store crap you eat.

g) Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. And talk about it in incredibly dirty detail, because even though you have kept all hints of your desperate desire for each other a secret for years, once you actually start touching bits together, you both feel completely comfortably talking so filthy to each other about absolutely EVERYTHING, you’d make jaded porn stars blush.

h) Now orgasm simultaneously. Your brother will probably come without you even having to touch his cock, because he HAS WANTED YOU TO DO THIS FOR FUCKING YEARS. And because you have a magic cock.

10) If you’re going to be receiving, read the preceding. Your job is pretty easy. Take it. Yeah. Take it. You were born to take it. So good. You love it, don’t you. Knew you would.

11) Hold each other like nothing better has ever happened to anyone in the history of humankind. Say each other’s names. Because those are the best words in the English language. Talk for a few minutes. By then you will be ready to do it all over again. And it will always be nothing short of awesome.

sounds about right.